Words

My first week at Mars Hill Graduate School has come to end, at least the classes have. I am heading out to the school's annual retreat with the hope it will be a time for some facilitated reflection. This week was intense in too many ways to try to explain, but there are a few words that have been lingering in my mind from this week...

Ignorance. In our orientation we were called to come quickly to the realization of how ignorant we all are...very odd start to grad school! But it resonated with me, and then I did come very quickly to that realization (or reminder?) as I entered the classroom. I found myself struggling with the definitions to the most basic words and concepts, and I caught myself speaking before really thinking. I feel inept, which isn't a bad thing since I love to learn, and this first week was such a reminder that all the understanding we have (I have) is so minute in comparison to the vastness of God!

Play. Allender mentions this word a lot in his books and lectures. I find myself both fearful and intrigued by this word. Fearful because I don't know how to play...to move, to laugh, to joke in the physical senses of those words. Intrigued because the idea of playing with thoughts and words is stimulating and inviting to me. But this word has also made me question a bit...how playful am I in my relationship with God? Is He playing with me?

Theology. I thought theology was the study of God. But I also knew that there are specific theologies that people identify with, so therefore it must be a system too. But now I am being asked about MY theology, and I haven't a clue how to answer that question. Part of me feels indignant my churches and teachers never instilled in me a deep understanding of what Christian theology is, and part of me is thankful that I have never been so tied to a particular system that I can't think outside of it without feeling like I have betrayed someone/thing.

There were so many more words that stirred me up, so many ideas and concepts that I am starting to struggle through. I have been fighting the urge all week to sink into hiding, but to instead engage with these ideas with hope and be grateful that I get to be in this place. So off I go...